Laugh

Everything would be just fine if I could restrict my movements to just Waimanalo and Kailua. Then, I could travel by bus freely with no time constraints. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. Yet, there will have to be some kind of compromise if my stay in Waimanalo becomes an extended one. Otherwise, I will need to start training to be a versatile and effective homeless guy. Sheesh!

Last night, I returned to Waimanalo about an hour earlier than usual because I did not make the trek to Kahala. I procured dinner at the L&L Drive-In in Hawai'i Kai. Then, I wasted time by loitering at the fast food joint in the Aina Haina Shopping Center. Was the experience any better than that of the den of consumerism (read: shopping mall) in Kahala? Not really. What's really happening is that I am searching for a proxy to fill a void in the social context of my life. I am close to no one. I have long ago lost track of friends and acquaintances. Now, I only know people with whom I engage in "small talk."

The morning commute to town from Waimanalo seemed to start off fine. Very scenic, sparse traffic. However, once I arrived in Hawai'i Kai, the situation changed drastically. The bus was 15 minutes late. Then, through the course of more idiocy, I ended up arriving in town later than the next bus (which is scheduled 30 minutes later). It was as though I stepped into a time warp. The whole day, or what was left of it, was subsequently in disarray. Rather than become "unglued," I simply capitulated to fate.

My mood was another story. The whole Waimanalo situation was already bearing a heavy load on my mind. And, the nagging desire, albeit foolish, to go homeless was not making matters better. So, I purchased an expensive cup of coffee at the coffee shop in town and composed the "blog" while connected to the free wireless Net "hotspot." The time was late. I had already missed my opportunity to peruse a certain fitness and training hottie at the gym. Yeah, the whole day was ruined.

Really, what is left but to go homeless? I am down to nothing, both materially and "spiritually." My morale has dipped into the negative region. And, to top it all off, I am seriously questioning my life-style of the past decade or two. Did I make a serious judgmental error? Of course, I have to wonder why I am ruminating over the past when time has already run out to reverse my course. Perhaps homelessness in a luxury minivan is my only redemption. I would live in the irony of squalor. The contradictions would be so distinct, such that a dichotomy of reality would be inevitable. It would be so ludicrous, so funny, that I would be rendered incapable of even laughing aloud. I would be reduced to permanent silence while giggling my ass off within the cavernous oversized cranium.

Indeed, all of what has transpired and what continues to transpire is comic relief in a morbid kind of way. The tragedy is so ridiculous that even I question its existence. Yet, within the "blog," the tragic comedy is laid bare for all to see. The remainder of the day will continue in that fashion, weaving a kind of psychosis on its own. I follow its schizophrenic agenda and hallucinatory itinerary like a religious fanatic, a disciple of the mythical sinister kahuna. Of course, that's when I am at my literary best. Oh, the irony! Oh, the stupidity!