Requiem

Well, over nine weeks have passed and there has been no word about Alan of Slob Manor (read: rental housing) fame. He departed for Arizona during the first week of the month of March. Destination? His "McMansion," of course.

Typical "McMansion" Hottie

I am not suspecting foul play ... yet. However, as each day passes, I am more convinced that Alan is either totally incapacitated or dead. At his age, he would be a likely candidate for either a stroke or a heart attack. Of course, Alan would disagree. He has mentioned that longevity runs in his family, although both his parents, both cigarette smokers, passed on well before their time. Alan has no siblings either.

Typical Poolside Hottie

Alan believed that he was in the best of health. Thus, his diet was an abomination. Junk food, lots of red meat, desserts of all kinds, and carbonated beverages. Very little fruit or vegetables. His personal physician advised him to lose 20 pounds, so Alan embarked on a reduced calorie diet. The quality of food did not increase. His only exercise was an occasional jaunt to the nearby shopping center (wearing his dress clothes and dress shoes).

The "McMansion" was Alan's dream home. Heck, it even has a huge swimming pool. After years of wage slavery, he decided that he had nothing to show for himself. So, he bought the huge domicile in Arizona. Strangely, he has a chick named Layla, about 30 years his junior, listed as a one-percent owner. She also acts in the capacity of resident manager, of which she done a poor job of finding tenants. Hence, Alan has seen a negative cash flow since he acquired the property.

Layla is allegedly attending a local college. She also allegedly is or was some other guy's "squeeze." However, Alan's generosity in providing ownership of the property and a rent-free residence is suspect. I would not be surprised if Alan also has her listed as the sole beneficiary of his life insurance and pension. In other words, Alan is Layla's "sugar daddy," although he's apparently not getting any "play."

Alan only purchased the property about a handful of years ago. He's got a 30-year mortgage, so he would be in his nineties when the place is finally paid off. His pension is currently locked into primarily equities. At this moment, he should have just enough to pay of the place if he cashes out. Thus, if Alan is either totally incapacited or dead, I would assume that Layla would have power-of-attorney or sole beneficiary status, respectively.

What more can be said? I'm not going to deliver a premature eulogy. No one at Slob Manor really "gives a shit" about anyone else, myself included. We live at the base (read: animal) level. If indeed Alan did meet his demise, then nobody will care. His possessions will be disposed of, if no one claims them. Then, another "nutjob" tenant will move in. Same ol' shit.