Master Plan - Constraints

In developing a senior citizen "master plan" for myself, I must consider the various constraints. In the world of science and engineering, the numerous constraints are mathematically derived. In the world of humans, constraints can be both real and imagined. My first goal is to eliminate the imaginary constraints. So, here are the constraints that I have verified as real:

Eyesight. The eyes will grow weaker with age. In my case, my eyes are already a disability, so I can only expect my vision to worsen. Astigmatism and cataracts may also present themselves.

Hearing. Hearing will most certainly weaken. The ability to detect lower sound pressure levels and frequencies at the extremely ends of the audio spectrum will only diminish. Say, now is the time to procure the Bose® SoundLink® wireless speaker, eh?

Mental Capacity. The human brain physically shrinks as we age. If dementia is present, the shrinkage and deterioration is further accelerated. There are method to circumvent the deterioration by promoting "dendrite sprouting." That's why senior citizens are seen working vigorously on boring crossword puzzles. The ol' lavahead has vowed not to join the party.

Musculoskeletal. Physical deterioration will be most pronounced and will occur in rapid succession. Muscle tone and muscle mass will decrease with age. Bones will shrink, bend with gravity, and become brittle. Skin elasticity and hair pigmentation will disappear. Joints will become stiff and arthritic. Motor coordination will be non-existent. The spinal column will compress and shorten the torso. Of course, the first major milestone will be the natural deprecation of the Vienna Sausage.

Internal Organs. The various internal organs of humans will deteriorate with old age. Cancer, organ failure, and increased susceptibility to diseases will be common threats.

Mobility. All of the preceding constraints will affect mobility, not only the ability to transport oneself locally but also the ability to relocate to more distant locations.

The aforementioned constraints will exponentially increase in magnitude with respect to age. At nearly 60 years old, I am now at the gateway to decrepitude. I can expect minor increases in constraints until 65 years of age. After that, each additional year will will bring the potential for rapid degeneration. The mortality timetable is very unforgiving.

My exact time location on the mortality timetable will determine my life-style (e.g., my remaining tenure at the gym and the type of workouts, my ability to purchase and appreciate useful and useless possessions, my ability to operate a motor vehicle, and so forth). And, given family antecedents including pops and my blood uncles, I have about 20 years remaining. Please refer to the "blog" posting of March 19th titled, "Thoughts on Life Expectancy."

Typical "Good Years" Hotties

I assume that I have five "good years" left in which I can maintain my life-style and activities with negligible changes. If I am fortunate, I can possibly achieve seven "good years." Unfortunately, the Vienna Sausage will most likely be totally dysfunctional within three years. Well, no need to worry about babes anymore. No more hurdy-gurdy videos either. So, the Vienna Sausage will be the first geriatric casualty.

After the "good years" are spent, there will essentially be no need for me acquire anything beyond the basic necessities. Bad eyesight and poor hearing negates the need for technology toys. Owning and driving a motor vehicle will no longer be possible. Stylish clothes will be a big joke. Long story short ... if I have any inclination toward rampant materialism, then I only have five years to fulfill my desires.

And, don't believe the hype about the "Golden Years." There's no such thing. Sure, there are active 80-year-old senior citizens. I see them at the gym every day. Believe me, the term "active" is purely subjective. For the most part, "active" senior citizens can more readily be seen purchasing numerous bottles of cheap booze at the local supermarket ... denial of death in action!

Homeless Buddy Mini-Update®
My homeless buddy is still up to his old tricks. He has ordered a luxury motorized chair which will be mostly subsidized by entitlements. He will still be paying $1,100 for it. He is also attempting to rent a low-income unit in Chinatown for $450 per month. He is putting off his colon cancer surgery until he can find housing. Aside from that, he has signed on with even more "free" services that are available for the homeless.