Culinary Con Artist

Yeah, I am illin' again. Relapse number two. I knew it was coming. A few days ago, I experienced an increase in post-nasal drip. On Monday, during my usual Hawai'i Kai visit, I was near exhaustion. I did not procrastinate and immediately administered the allergy relief medication to myself. Today, the relapse was in full swing. Restoring my extreme monk haircut only exacerbated the problem by increasing the ventilation to the oversized cranium. I experienced the chills while attempting to complete my cardio workout at the gym.

Typical Relapse Hottie

To aid in my speedy recovery, I treated myself to dinner at Panda Express® this evening. I really enjoyed the meal. Moms and I have not eaten there for three weeks now. Apparently, the food did not sit well with moms.

I am beginning to rethink my aversion to flu shots. The cold and flu viruses that are circulating now seem to be extremely potent. I have never had two relapses of the common cold in a row. Of course, the real root of the problem is the idiotic "chef" of Slob Manor (read: rental housing) fame. He's been coming back to the dump, presumably after boffing his alleged new "squeeze," at all hours of the night and early morning. Naturally, he has to prepare one of his organic "medicine man" concoctions no matter what time it is, all the while making a racket. So, sleep for me has been difficult.

One has to wonder about the "chef," the quintessential culinary con artist. He thinks quite highly of himself, probably because he's been dosing liberally with ground maca root. In reality, he's really a 30-year-old loser who is playing a confidence (read: con) game.

I have discovered the daily pay rate for substitute high school teachers in Honolulu. Based on a nine-month school year, the "chef" earns about $28,000 (before taxes) with no health plan, no paid vacation, and no retirement plan. After taxes, his disposable income would be $24,000 or so ($2,000 per month spread across twelve months). Deducting $700 for rent and $600 in student loan payments (if his parents did not pay it off for him), he would only have about $700 in disposable income per month. All his other expenses, including his costly organic habit and $140 monthly yoga class membership, would have to come out of that measly amount. That's really nothing to be smug about.

One has to wonder ... what kind of chick would fall for a guy like the "chef"? He's no "hunk," believe me. He has absolutely no future. He's stuck with substitute teaching. He's not taking massage therapy classes, so that career may be over before it started. And, how many babes could even keep a straight face after hearing him tell them about how he's going to make a killing in massage therapy? Hotties are especially "high maintenance," and the poor "chef" is not Big Money Grip.

The "chef" is probably looking for a babe to take care of him, pamper him, and financially support him. Lots of local guys have the same ambition, I'm afraid. Of course, the "chef" feels a natural superiority over the ol' lavahead. I have told him about how close I am to being penniless and homeless. All the while, I am laughing my ass off behind his back as he struts around the dump like a "hog with big nuts." Ground maca root can really work wonders, I suppose.

I am really hoping ... one could even say, praying ... that the "chef" bamboozles a chick, any chick, to "shack up" with him. Then, I would never have to deal with the fool ever again. Yet, it would only take her about a month to see just how weird he really is (e.g., spending six hours in the kitchen daily). Well, enough of the moron.

There's been very little to report that is not out of the ordinary. I can barely find anything newsworthy to include as a Mini-Update®. Sheesh!

Slob Manor Mini-Update®
Some people may wonder why Alan or Tom can't see through the culinary con artist's ruse. Both Alan and Tom are taken in by his awkward con jobs, most likely because he does give them the attention that they crave. In reality, the "chef" is just schmoozing them in order to increase his locus of control. Alan and Tom appear to have low testosterone (i.e., "Low-T") which have made them more gracile, less manly. The "chef" can sense that and uses it to his advantage.

Zero-Sum Game Mini-Update®
On the matter of spending six hours per day in the kitchen cookin up his organic "medicine man" concoctions, the "chef" is hoping to prolong his lifespan and live disease-free. Let's do the math now, shall we? Let's say that he keeps up the insane regimen for 35 years. Out of that time, he will spend the equivalent of 8.75 years in the kitchen. Baha! Ha! Ha! Haaa!