Net Worthiness

There's all kind of statistics floating around in empire about the financial net worth of its subjects. We really don't care about the filthy rich class. Our concern is the average rank-and-file peon.

Net worth is a snapshot in time of the total assets that an individual possesses after deducting all liabilities. Future income or capital gain streams are not included.

For our sample, how about the idiotic residents of Slob Manor (read: rental housing)? Naturally, the ol' lavahead is excluded. Each person in the sample owns an automobile, possibly worth between $500 and $1,500 or so. Minor possessions in their squalid rooms and in rented storage (if applicable) amount to anywhere between $900 to $3,000 at most.

Let's start with 61-year-old Alan. Assets in his immediate possession and in storage probably amount to $2,000 at most. His automobile is so thrashed that I can only assess it at $500 salvage value. His local bank account, I would assume, has at least $10,000 in cash. His "McMansion" in Arizona, he claims, is now worth $250,000 (original mortgage principle is $225,000 which has probably been reduced by $8,000 after six years of amortized payments). His retirement account, he claims, is worth about $225,000 after the recent stock market surge. Alan's net worth is $37,500 or so.

The 30-year-old "chef" probably has about $1,000 in possessions, if even that. His automobile is worth about $1,500 at most. Judging from his personality, I would assume that he has about $2,500 in his bank account as a "cushion." If his parents paid off his $50,000 student loan debt, then he is debt-free. If they gave him $2,000 as a gift for being so intelligent, then he has a little more in his bank account. The net worth of the "chef" is $7,000 or so. If his parents did not pay off the debt, then he has a $55,000 liability after capitalizing the deferred interest. The net worth of the "chef" would be downward revised to -$50,000 or so.

Tom, the 49-year-old drunkard, is supposedly worth millions of dollars. Yet, I cannot verify the latter assets. He seems to be getting an "allowance" from someone on the mainland empire, possibly a trust account custodian. His automobile is worth $500 since its manufacturer no longer exists. He has myriad possessions, mostly junk, with an estimated value of $1,000 maximum. Tom appears to be debt-free. I would assume that he has no more than $1,000 in his bank account on average. Tom's net worth is $2,500 or so.

How does that compare to, say, a homeless guy? Well, my 55-year-old homeless buddy has accumulated at least $65,000 in cash that is currently stuffed in a bank safe deposit box. He has about $5,000 worth of new merchandize in storage. He is also debt-free. He may or may not own an automobile, most likely of low salvage value, at this time. My homeless buddy's net worth is $65,000 or so.

So, who is the winner? Who has the highest net worth right now? Obviously, my homeless buddy. Yet, the other unwitting participants are smug and haughty. Two are wage slaves and will continue to be wage slaves until the official retirement age and possibly beyond. My homeless buddy is already retired with disposable income, health insurance, food, and (soon) rental housing for life. Who is truly net worthy?